Unexpressed Joy

Unexpressed joy

About a year ago I tuned into how my body felt and I could feel an area of tightness or restriction somewhere and when I took a moment to ask what this sensation was coming from, the answer came as a surprise to me: Unexpressed Joy! What?! How did this happen? I used to have a big spark for life, finding joy in all the little things. Where did this go? What happend? My analytical mind went for it trying to figure out the details. It figured I had slowly bottled up or stifled this urge to express silliness and joy as I started working as a professional, trying to be the “perfect physio”, whatever that is. Oh boy, it had snuck up on me, this toned down or muted feeling of “blah”, for lack of a better term. Sigh.

I then felt the urge to sign up for as many fun kid like activities as I could think of, and fast! I went for it booking a go-karting session, a dance class, I even went directly into the freaking forest and did some badass forest parkour, walking on logs that had fallen over a frozen lake for pete’s sakes! All of this felt, well, fun but less full body joyous than I had imaged. Long story short, what I realized is it isn’t so much the activity that I was doing, but about the person I was being, or better said, my state of being, during the activities that brought out the joy and silliness I was hoping to tap into. It was something that I cultivated from within me. And what really ended up showing me the way to express my joy, was simply playing with my son in a pile of hay, or at a farm. Over time, patiently cultivating this feeling of joy, that it became a more natural state of being for me. One that I generate from within and bring to the activities that I choose to do.